I’m taking a step back from productivity to pass on the most important lesson that Spain has offered me.

Last night (well, when I first wrote this post, it was last night) I tweeted the following:

There were a fair number of responses.  One of them, on Facebook, caught my attention:

That comment summed up how our country’s trust and affection have devolved over the course of my life.  Coming from a woman, and a friend from dance, was particularly poignant for me.  Didn’t make me want to come home.

There are many things I love about Barcelona, but the thing that caught my eye on my first trip was the way the dancers treated me.  People I didn’t know would smile and hold eye contact.  With every guy-girl introduction there were two kisses, and even the guys were affectionate.

This wasn’t just swing dancers, and it’s not just Barcelona.  When Tim and I went to Neffies (a small village in southern France), we witnessed something you’d never see in the US: a bunch of teenage guys, many with their shirts off, dancing together (and yes there will girls, too—it was all part of a local celebration outside).  If you’ve ever been to a high school in the US, guys hardly dance, let alone together, and they definitely won’t be touching one another.  Tim and I didn’t speak a word of French, and we had no ties to the group, but they put their arms on our shoulders and we pretended to sing along while we danced.  It was surreal.  Yep, 16 year old French boys with their shirts off made the night.

Every time I came back to my apartment I got a big hug and kisses from my flatmate.  People I met the week before sent SMS messages full of abrazos and besos.  Every place you entered brought you an “hola, buenos días”.

Call it what you want, but warmth and affection—cultural, familial, or romantic—feels damn good.

Swing dance in the US is less interesting to me these days because it’s harder to get a smile, to hold eye contact, to share any interest that could be misconstrued.  And most of my world is even more structured and businesslike.

I wrote back to Sally:

Affection means something even when it’s shared with many.  It may be different, but that doesn’t make it insignificant."

The busier we get, the more we dull and shorten our pleasantries.  The older we grow, the more reserved our greetings and affection become.  Think back: we weren’t always this way.  You can probably remember some specific instances where you learned to be more reserved, “not to send the wrong message.”

I’ve grown up in the class of people who stopped signing letters with Love, who separated work from life, who hasn’t hugged half their friends.

But I’m putting my foot down.  We don’t need a Facebook group for Hug Day to offer affection.  We do need more than wagging tails and wet noses.  Consider offering more affection with everyone you see regularly.  Flirt a little, smile a lot, lose your American self a little, and open your arms.

Flickr Photo Credit (for dog picture): mikebaird

I’ve gotten to know a lot of great people through the web, and the following are both observations and tips.

Today I’m presenting these ideas to an event at the Greater Baltimore Technology Council, so perhaps a video will be here shortly.

If you’d like a primer on how to find who you should be paying attention to, check out my recently updated Guide to Getting Started with Social Media.

The following six tips/lessons are from my own experiences.  Though they mostly refer to getting to know bloggers, they can be applied equally to anyone who has a public online presence.  Hope you find them helpful!

The web is an approachable community, not an intimidating new land…But you’d better be nice because people know each other here.

The number of people who write and participate online is really small.  That may not seem the case, but when it comes to the subjects and sites you’re most interested in, after a few months you’ll start seeing the same names everywhere.  And these people are approachable, too:

I was alone at a bar Saturday, waiting for my friends to show-up for a 30th birthday party.  The place was hopping, but I just found a corner and sat back—the crowd was intimidating.  It wasn’t really my scene and I wasn’t about to walk up to a stranger to make small talk.  There are few things I enjoy less than meeting people without a reason other than “well, you’re here, too.”

The web is nothing like that.  Any conversation online can be in the context of shared interests with people literally inviting participation.  Once you get used to the web community, it starts to make sense why some people are worried about the next generation never getting outside—it’s really easy to meet like minds online.

But word also gets around fast, so be nice.  Or at least just be cognizant when you’re talking about other people that many relationships exist between folks that you’d never expect.  This depth of bizarre interconnections comes up almost daily in my conversations…so I’m very careful now.

Stop for a second and ask yourself: what are you prepared to give?

It’s not that everyone is keeping score, but when you’re a total stranger there’s not really a good reason for someone to get to know you or to want to help.  So it might be nice to consider how you want to give before you approach people directly online.

By giving, I don’t necessarily mean money, traded services, or even introductions (those are traditional things to give in the offline world).  I just mean the value you’re providing both specifically and in general.  A lot of giving online is about karma—helping the community at large by putting up a project that others benefit from, outlining your experiences, or sharing lessons-learned—much as I’m doing now here, etc.

A good place to start is by adding to other people’s social proof and making the content on their site stronger—commenting on their site, submitting their site to Digg or StumbleUpon, etc.  A long term and more meaningful strategy might be interviewing people or writing reviews of other people’s articles.

Just be sure to think long and hard about what you’re doing for others before you think of what they can offer you.  Fortunately it’s a lot easier to give online than it is in the real world.

Carefully choose the website you link to for yourself.  Have an agenda and action in mind.

When you leave a comment you have the opportunity to link back to yourself.  When you send an email you have the opportunity to link back to yourself.  In every profile online you have the option for a hyperlink with more detail.  Don’t miss that opportunity to link to yourself!

But you need to think carefully about which link you provide.  Your link is the first step toward someone getting to know you, so you want to do it right.

I generally link back to this site when I have to choose one link, since this is where:

• I can offer the most value to people, which also means that…
• I paint a good picture of myself (I hope!), and I’m consistent (unlike Twitter, where I could be on some bizarre tangent when they make it to my page).  This also means they might take advantage of where…
• There are specific actions people can take: subscribing to Technotheory, signing up for AwayFind, following me on Twitter, etc

So whatever site you link to, be cognizant of why you’re choosing that link with the potential audience that will click there.  While it might be nice to promote your company’s brochure website for 10 seconds, you want to hold people’s attention, express that you offer value, and preferably have some sort of conversion or action so as to retain and build upon this new connection…this new potential relationship.  So a blog or site with more detailed information might be a better bet.  Just think through it : ).

Comment long.  Comment pithy.  Comment short.  Comment.

Given the choice between commenting and not commenting, assuming what you have to say is positive or constructive, you should always comment…even if it’s just a sentence or two.  Most bloggers don’t get many comments and really enjoy the social proof you’re providing.  And even better if there’s some depth to the comment.

If your comment is critical, be thorough.  Comments like “that sucks” are just wasting space and making you look bad.  You can be critical, but express yourself articulately or you won’t be taken seriously.

If you want to build a relationship with a blogger, you should leave some substantial comments and come back every once in a while, even if you’re only leaving short comments much of the time.  Continual presence will be felt…and then you’ll have an easier time reaching out directly.

Reach out to people directly.

Email is a great way to start a dialogue or introduce yourself.  But I’d suggest that you be helpful rather than asking for something, initially.  Even thanking someone for a really great post is a way to reach out.  Just be sure that whatever you write has some personal substance to it.  If you’re taking someone’s time, be sure it’s worth it.

Another great way to reach out is to answer questions someone asks on Twitter.  @’s or DM’s are both okay.  Once again, be pithy rather than “great job, totally agree.”  Bleh.

Then if you can and have a reason to, schedule a call or (as with the last point in the heading below) find a time to meet up.

There’s nothing magical to say about this, but it is the most important step here.  If you don’t reach out to people before you need them…well, you know the rest of this story.

So you might be thinking, “well, how do I know who to reach out to before I need them?”  I’ll be honest here: I hope to get to know everyone personally in the personal productivity space.  I’ve had a great time with nearly everyone in that community I’ve met and I don’t have an ulterior motive in mind.  I have a lot of folks in many spaces I hope to keep up with…and if you go through the steps in my guide to social media, you’ll probably come up with people worth paying attention to, too.  Perhaps someday I’ll need something, perhaps not, but it’s obviously wise to have friends in the spaces where my blog, my product, and my customers exist.  It’s not that you should cherry pick your friends before meeting them, but the people in your related fields are a good starting point.

Meet with people in the Real World.

The best way to add depth to relationships is to meet face to face.  Keep a list of where people are located, and/or what conferences they attend.  Then, when you’re going to be at the same place, reach out.  Or in lieu of the list, when you’re traveling at least check Facebook or LinkedIn’s network search—that’ll get you 80% of the way there, assuming you’ve been friending folks as you’ve gotten to know them.  There’s something about the rarity of an occasion that makes people particularly receptive to meeting up in faraway places (but hometowns are better than conferences—as people will have more time).

As a side: In the next 3 months I’ve got trips to Madison, NYC, Austin, Boston, San Francisco, Kowloon, and Tokyo.  So now you know: if you’re keeping tabs on me from those cities, now’s your chance to reach out!

I hope some of these tips can help.  If I get a video from today’s talk, I’ll let you know.  In the mean time, do you have any advice for getting to know people online?

Flickr photo credit: One Laptop per Child

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but it’s not really my holiday.  And it’s not yours; well, unless you bring others in…

I got one of those cheesy forwarded cards in my email today—you know, the ones you used to get a lot back in ‘99 or whatever:

When you click the turkey you get an animated sequence that arranges food from the turkey dinner until you end up with a turkey (no you really don’t need to watch it).

Silly?  Yes.  Impersonal?  Perhaps.  A waste of time?  Well, I don’t know.

Our emails are curt and businesslike.  Our friendships are scheduled and one-dimensional.  We both observe and expect certain behaviors in most of our interactions.  But sometimes we have to step outside of these roles.

Well, thank you, Lynn, for sending me this silly turkey card.  Because it was better than no thank you at all.  It’s not my style, but I think we all need to let people know that they’re in our thoughts.  And this is at least one step closer.

My style is sending a quick text message, calling, writing a few-line email, dropping an IM, sending a direct message on Twitter…but whatever it is, it’s a somewhat personal, warm message.  And, of course, for your loved ones, showing that in whatever way you can—in person, over the phone, or in a hand-written card.

Does it seem like I’ve gotten off track?  Perhaps, but here’s a little exercise you might want to try: pick 5 people in your speed dial list and send them a text message with either (depending on when you’re reading this):

• “Hi X, just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you today.  Thanks for being awesome.  Hope to see you soon :-).  Happy Thanksgiving!”
• “Hi X, I missed you on Thanksgiving, but thanks for being awesome.  Hope you had a great holiday, and hope to see you soon :-)”

Or you could do that over email.  Or the phone.  But just do it.  It’ll make you feel so good and it’ll make them feel even better.

And to you, my kind reader, I really appreciate your time and loyalty, and for helping me to get from the things I was doing to more of the things I truly believe in.  I’ve never felt like I was in a better place, and your support has been a big part of that.

Thank you, and Happy Thanksgiving.

Flickr Photo Credit: ShashiBellamkonda

Consider this the next time someone chews your ear off.  And don’t do the same.  Here’s the why and how.

Ayn Rand Didn’t Speak at My Last Event

I recently attended an event where the speakers must have been more important than me.  They talked and talked without forethought, concision or restraint.  They missed the point: no one cares how knowledgeable you are when you don’t respect their time.

A quote from Ayn Rand on this topic has stuck with me for a long while.  It’s referenced all over the place, and usually in context: Rand was asked to explain her philosophy while standing on one leg.  She’d written numerous books on the subject, some thousands of pages long, but she stood on one leg (and she was pretty old at the time) and explained it in ten words.

Her response (which was a list of four points) is oft quoted, and is even used as the headings in her wikipedia entry.  At her most concise, she was most memorable and understood.  That’s because:

There’s Power in Pithy Quip

There’s so much more value in saying it right the first time, and in fewer words:

• There’s beauty.  It just sounds eloquent
• There’s life.   It’s short enough that people remember it
• There’s clarity.  No need to tease out the substance when it’s already there
• There’s persuasion.  Clarity and intelligence have more impact

And as mentioned earlier, long winded responses can really bother people.  If there are time constraints, observe them.  If there aren’t, consider that the other people have things to do, and ideas of their own to share.

Blabbing on and on is the same thing as showing up late—it’s a lack of planning that leaves someone waiting and frustrated.  (At least when they’re waiting alone they can read a book…)

If You Shut Your Mouth, People Will Like You

A basic psychology course will point out that the more people talk to you (assuming you appear to be interested), the more they’ll like you.  They’ll feel invested.  Studies even show that they’ll think you’re smarter and more interesting when you shut your mouth.

While you may recall people who have shared exciting stories, there are precious few who can consistently rattle off quality tales; most of us just aren’t that entertaining.  But if you think back to the most stimulating parties or social events, was it not the person with the best questions who kept things active? 

Questions are typically shorter than comments, and often greatly improve a group’s dynamic.  Having a chance to speak, and instead using that time to express interest in others (especially with a compelling question) is the best way to engage.

People like Chris Brogan and Dale Emery are influencers, and much of that is due to their outstanding questions.  Though they have a lot to say, I consider their greatest asset their ability to engage (and thereby draw upon the strengths of) their audience.

How This Applies to Twitter…and Twitter Applies to You

On the web, people are likely to skip past articles when the headline doesn’t grab them; the cost of exploring further is high, as we’ve learned that most content isn’t worth our time.  But on Twitter, the headline is the content.  Even the most verbose people can cut to the chase on Twitter (though, of course, some are better at it than others).

It’s a challenge to compress our words into 140 character snippets.  It can also be difficult to voice an opinion in under a minute.  But in that 60 seconds, people will still be paying attention.  The same idea expressed in five minutes usually won’t have the same impact, as people often will have stopped listening.

I enjoy conferences that enforce speakers’ and questioners’ time limits.  I respect and appreciate people who can offer the greatest signal with the least noise.  (The Presidential Debate this Friday will be an interesting test of this.)

So cut yourself back to 60 seconds and see if people like what you have to say a little more.  Work harder on your questions than your answers.

Thank you, Twitter, for shortening my attention span…and forcing me to value other people’s time more.  And my own.

Do you have experience with shortening talking points, applying constraints…or other people who don’t?

Flickr photo credit: x-small

–

Note of clarification: I’m not saying we shouldn’t give speeches or presentations, or have long conversations.  I’m just pointing out that we could be more aware other people’s time.  When in a situation where we have a long period to present, it’s important to be especially clear (so we don’t lose them), though it can also help to stimulate them in other ways (through imagery, practice exercises, questions, movement, sound, etc).  It’s possible and often necessary to hold people’s attention for long period’s of time, but the principles above are even more relevant then.  Hopefully we’ll get to talk about that here at SXSW.

Sometimes biting our tongue or better involving the other person would’ve been the wiser choice. So by way of two stories from the TECH cocktail Conference last week, I offer up my follies for your benefit.

I’m wrestling with whether or not this is a technology/productivity topic, but I believe lessons in behavior are even more relevant online–where your activities can be seen by thousands of people, and accessed years later. Now, onto the stories…

I want to call out Frank Gruber and Gary Vaynerchuk as two people who know how to treat people and deserve their attention. If you haven’t watched Gary’s Wine Library TV or attended one of Frank’s TECH cocktail events, you’re missing out on some of the most innovative and interesting happenings today. In short, I deeply respect both Frank and Gary.

On Wednesday night there was a small reception at the Loyola University Museum of Art, and Frank was introducing me to a few of his friends. He mentioned how he’d been using my product and how it’s helped him. If you were to read the “examples uses” page on AwayFind’s site, I suppose Frank’s use might not be the norm, but he was endorsing it and making me look good. I should’ve just said thank you. Instead I explained how most folks are using it.

Lesson #1. Never correct people when they’re promoting you.

I suppose this ain’t exactly rocket science, but when folks are trying make you look good, just shut your mouth and say thank you. Feel free to clarify but never correct. I’ve always wanted to be one of those humble, quiet sorts but it’s not necessarily in my nature. I just have to remember sometimes to bite my tongue and be thankful.

The next night I was in a cab with Gary and some others, and he asked me about where I grew up. I mentioned how I moved from Burlington MA to Framingham MA just before high school. He was quick to empathize as he had moved at around that time when growing up. I gave a little background behind my move and he listened earnestly. But I don’t know the rest of his story around that time because I never asked.

Lesson #2. When people make you feel good by asking questions, reciprocate

In other words, if someone’s taking an active interest (and you’re enjoying it), don’t forget about them. Unless they’re interviewing you, ask them similar questions. Whatever it is you like most how they’re treating you, try to give that back.

I don’t think either of these were “a big deal” but it bothers me when I don’t get to be as appreciative or caring as those around me. It’s not that I’m antisocial or particular poor in these settings, but I know there’s always room for improvement. It’d kind of like this article on Copyblogger today that gets into the nitty gritty of writing, it may not make a difference most of the time, but when the lesson fits, it can really have an impact.

Do you have similar stories or lessons to share? Do you mind my covering topics like this from time to time?

I try to keep things helpful and relevant–if you’d like to stay up to date, you can subscribe via RSS or email. For similar articles, you might want to check out the Netiquette category here.

Those who follow half these rules will get a prompt personal response from me–and they’ve always worked for me. So read on, give it a shot, and maybe you’ll land that new client/job/hottie you’ve had your eye on.

The following are not hard and fast rules, but they will help you to appear to have your act together, and hopefully warm the recipient up to you a little…

The Subject

Be specific to the meaning of your message in the subject. The following are examples of what not to do:

• Hi Jared
• Lead a seminar?
• Link
• Nice article

These are much better alternatives:

• Meet for coffee in DC next week (Thu, Fri?)
• Lead a Productivity Seminar for Society of Procrastinators
• You might like my article on lifehacks for swing dancers
• Quick question re: “How not to reach out via email…”

The point isn’t to draw people in like a newspaper headline, but to explain what you’re after. Sound interesting, but be honest and get the gist across in your subject.

Address

I don’t prefer “Dear Mr. Goralnick” to “Hi Jared”–but that’s because people who read my writing online would be aware of my conversational tone. However, for a job applicant or someone who is really reaching out for a favor, the formal would be better. Similarly, if you’re not a peer (someone in the same field or a similar position) or don’t know much about them, go with the more formal. But if you’re a blogger reaching out to another blogger, and you’ve participated on their site before, then “Hi Leo” or “Hi Darren” will be just fine.

Specifics and Length

Don’t waste people’s time; just like with the subject, hone in on the point right away. Keep the email to 250 words or less. If you want them to know more, then point them to a website or attachment (they may not click it, but a link doesn’t make the email much longer…and they’re more likely to read a shorter email).

Who Are You?

There should be, at most, one sentence that explains who you are. I prefer blending it into the message, but two other options are to make it your first sentence or to make it readily apparent from your signature. Here are a few first sentence ideas:

• “I write for a productivity and technology focused blog, technotheory.com”
• “My name is Jason Pinter and I’m in the process of finishing my third thriller”

In the full email example I’ve provided further down, you’ll see how I blended a brief background into the email with references to my site.

Research & Connection

Show that you’ve done your homework, and make that into a connection. You don’t need to interview their children, but be reasonably familiar with their company, their blog, or whatever relates to what you’re talking to them about. For reaching out to people who aren’t as prolific online, I’ve found LinkedIn to be a good starting point. The 5 minutes of research will make the email much easier to write (and prevent situations like this / this / this).

Make the connection short and specific–1 to 2 lines. Be truthful if you can, or you might sound trite.

• Fictional example to Naomi Dunford of IttyBiz: “I’ve been hooked on your site ever since you gave me an ultimatum to subscribe or get the fu*k out. I wish I could tell it like it is, so that’s why I could really use your insight on….”
• Real example from someone applying to my company: “The design/experience on your Dreamline spreadsheet was awesome; I do a lot of Excel VBA and would enjoy…”

Additional examples for job applicants:

• “I’ve spent a few days testing your product, and…”
• “Everyone who talks about your company seems so happy to work there (I really do trust the Washingtonian reviews) and…”
• “You all seem to have excellent focus on XYZ, and I know your competitors AA and BB don’t have quite the same…”

Call to Action

If you want something, be direct and specific. Limit yourself to at most two questions:

• “I hope you’ll consider this article for your site. As a reader I have a feel for your audience, but if you don’t think this is a fit, could you offer any suggestions?”
• “I’m going to be in your neighborhood May 16 and 17, and would love to just get a cup of coffee one of the mornings or evenings; any chance you’d have a half hour?” (you’d be amazed how many people are open to meeting up, especially if you’re in from out of town)
• “Could we chat on the phone any afternoon this week to see if there might be a fit?”
• “Do you have one best tip (or book recommendation) regarding product promotion through affiliate programs?”

Closing

The closing should match up with the address–but “Kind regards” will always work. I vacillate between “Warm regards” and “Cheers” but it’s really about personal style. These days I’ve found “Sincerely” and “Yours truly” to be less common for email communications

Signature

I explored signatures in depth in A quick checklist for making your email more professional but the point is to customize to what your goal is with this individual:

• If you offer three URLs they’re less likely to click any (the “paradox of choice“) than if you simply provide the one you want them to visit
• Consider your title in relation to them–sometimes I’d rather identify with the blogger than come across as “President.” So I’ll mix up or not list my title at all depending on what I’m try to get across

Full Fictional Example

Subject: Potential guest post about reaching out to people via email

Hi Steve,

I’ve put together an article on how to reach out to people via email (I’m probably failing now), and thought it might fit well with your audience.

I’ve been subscribed to you ever since that redesign where you removed the dog pictures (how is your border collie?), and I hope someday to have such enthusiastic readers on my own site, which is focused on technology and productivity.

I think this fits your audience, so I hope you’ll consider it, but please let me know if you have any guidelines or recommendations for future submissions. I’d love the opportunity to participate more in your blog. Here’s the link (I haven’t yet published it):

http://somesite.com/samplearticle.html

Cheers,

Jared
www.technotheory.com

(this was 122 words. One thing I could’ve added was a time for them to get back to me, which could speed it up or bug them, depending on the audience)

Any quick tips for how to improve this advice? Does this stuff work?

This is a wake up call: don’t wait any longer to own and control your email. Here are some scenarios that may fit you, and how to fix things.

Company Email Is Subject To Big Brother

Nothing wrong here, if it’s for work. Otherwise it’s a seriously bad idea. You probably know this by now, but to stress the point:

• Your employer owns your work email
• Your employer could very well be reading your email
• Your work email may be stored and fully searchable; for instance, all of my employees’ email is backed up and fully searchable, attachments and all, by me. It doesn’t matter what they delete. Many organizations have a similar policy–some for legal reasons, some for just-in-case scenarios
• If you leave your work or get fired, no more email for you

ISP Email Is The WalKmart Of Email

It looks unprofessional and doesn’t feel so good. Do NOT use the email address provided by your internet service provider (ISP):

• What happens if you move or switch internet companies? Think how difficult it is to change your credit card numbers everywhere–now multiply that by 100x.
• It’s somewhat unprofessional (sorry, many people notice these things!)
• Do you really trust your ISP? If something ever went wrong, would you see them on your side of a subpoena?
• The user interface is subpar
• The spam filtering is subpar, and you may encounter issues receiving email (I’ll save the explanation, but feel free to bug me in the comments)
• The storage available is subpar

College And Alumni Addresses Are So 1999

School addresses will disappear very quickly. It’s so sad to have watched all my friends in college lose their email addresses when it could’ve been so easily avoided.

Even worse, some of my classmates opted to use their University of Maryland alumni email addresses since those were designed to forward to whatever email account you used. Big mistake–the school decided to re-brand from terpalum.umd.edu to something else, Perhaps you trust your alma mater more than I do, but if you don’t own your email address, there’s no way to know what will change.

Gmail, Yahoo, & Windows Live: Do You Want This Brand For The Rest Of Your Life?

Major webmail providers aren’t so bad. For many people they may be just fine. Just remember a few things:

• You don’t own your email with these web providers
• If you use the free version, there’s no guarantee whatsoever that your email will be available at any time or not completely deleted
• While more professional than using your ISP, it still could be better. Remember, you’re probably operating under the assumption that you’ll use this address for the next 20 years–is this the brand you want to be affiliated with for all that time?

Again, I’m not against webmail providers. I just think it’s worthwhile to…

Do It Right: Own Your Email With Your Own Domain

If you own a domain you have the most flexibility, professionalism, experience, and control with your email. While not everyone wants to invest the $7-10/year, I consider it worthwhile:

• Your email looks professional (or, if not, it’s your own fault). For instance, on my resume I use jared at goralnick and that looks pretty nice (.com removed for spam bots)
• You can still use Gmail to host it–getting the best of both world’s — their interface and your domain, free!
• No one can ever take your email address away from you–it’s yours for life
• Your email is as secure as you want it to be
• You can use any email application that you’d like to manage your email
• You can have an unlimited number of email addresses at that domain–either for your family or even for different purposes (blog@yourdomain.com to keep track of people who came from your blog, for instance)

How To Make It Happen

1. Find a domain. Poke around on your favorite registrar (many people like GoDaddy.com, I’ve been using mydomain.com) and buy a domain
2. Choose an email hosting service. I recommend Gmail, as I mentioned above–but any web host will do at first (since spam won’t yet be an issue) (note: for inexpensive hosting, I use hostgator.com)
3. Notify your contacts of the new address. But no need to do it right away, get comfortable with your new email account at first. You don’t need to cancel your old one immediately, if at all
4. Forward your email from the old account to the new one, or set the new one up to check the old one’s messages. At least for a few months it’s helpful to get the old email in case you miss a bill or an old friend reaches out. Fortunately you should be able to set it up so that all your email goes to the new account automatically

I’ve watched so many friends lose or change their email addresses because of one issue or another. Don’t fall victim to that. If you have any other ideas or disagree I’d love to hear your thoughts.

A pet peeve of mine is receiving unprofessional email–but I realize there’s no easy way to learn the subtleties. I’m not talking about email content, but how you format and configure it. This stuff is visible to your recipients and easy to fix. If you’re not familiar with this, then that’s the point–I hope you’ll read on to improve how your email reflects upon you.

Next week I’ll tackle the much harder topic of the email content, but for now…

The From: Be Yourself

1. Put your full name in your return address. If you don’t, it will include just your email address in both your From and your recipient’s To, which is likely not helping you to be more private but is definitely not making you look any better
2. Don’t use a “Reply-to” address. Many people accidentally create a reply-to address that’s the same as From. If you don’t know why you would need a reply-to address then just don’t use it! (In Outlook that means leaving the fields blank.) A Reply-to fields removes your name from the To field when people write you back–making them look less professional and messing up the sort by From field in many email applications
3. Avoid using “on behalf of” by sending it directly from the actual account. This is a problem in particular with Gmail subscribers who send from other email accounts. Here’s more explanation and how to fix it…

The To, CC, and BCC: Respect for Names & Privacy

1. Put the full name of your recipient in the To/CC fields. While this isn’t mandatory, it’ll not only look more professional but, well, everyone loves reading their name
2. Restrict the number of names in To and CC. If there’s neither a good reason for the people you’re addressing to know one another nor a good reason to Reply All to the message, use BCC instead of To or BCC. Even if it’s just four people, it’s much more professional and respectful (send the message four separate times or run a mail merge if you want to look even better)

Response Points: Use HTML for Clarity

As a geek, I could debate the merits of plain text vs HTML mail ad infinitum, but I’ll spare you. But when you’re responding to someone point-by-point then HTML simply offers more flexibility and readability…especially if there’s likely to be another round of back and forth. Assuming that you’re responding in HTML, here are some suggestions:

1. Use white space. Press ENTER twice or use before-spacing to separate your point from the one you’re responding to. If possible, use indentation to make it even more distinct
2. Use color. As a designer I often go for subtlety, but this is all about clarity. Using color to help indicate who was responding or when in the conversation that response took place can nested conversations much easier to follow
3. Use inline responses. All of this stuff skips over the point that you should use inline conversations. If the conversation is important enough, inline responses are the easiest way to be thorough and obvious

The Signature: Customize & Minimize

I don’t think enough people adjust their email signatures–and yet it’s the one place you can be unabashedly self-advertising. I use a signature graphic of my name for business people, but with techies or internet types I don’t include it. I’ll also include different URLs depending on the recipient. Here are some ideas for you:

1. Use your full signature once in each message thread. So long as your full signature is included somewhere in the discussion, cut out some noise from the thread by thereafter using signatures that are one or two lines (i.e., your name and up to one other thing)
2. Let people know when you’re replying on a mobile device. While I recommend removing the brand from your auto-response (do I care that it was a BlackBerry vs an iPhone? no), letting people know you’re on a mobile phone when replying helps them understand if you skipped any points, made typos, or were a little less friendly. I’d prefer that you not reply from your handheld for anything of consequence, but if you must, let people know the context. (It’s a good one: you’re trying to be more responsive so you should be afforded some leeway, right?)
3. Change up your signature when appropriate. Have a few canned signatures and/or adjust your signature based on your recipient. Consider highlighting a particular link or fact based on the context

In the next week I’ll post some ideas about creating professional email content. (It will be a very different approach to Chris Brogan’s great article here.)

Got any email tips to share?

Being perceived as being in high demand may help to command respect, but you can accomplish that without feigning busyness or sacrificing those you care about.

This post is generally in response to Skellie of skelliewag.org (a great site!), who commented:

If others perceive you as being in high demand, as having a full schedule and generally having a lot of work, your perceived value/talent goes up. Clients want you more. Clients want to pay you more. It’s a social proof thing — if everyone wants you, you must be good. Freelancers who never seem busy, who make themselves available all the time, tend to get treated like they’re not busy for a reason…. [M]anufacturing some of that busyness can be good for business!

I completely agree–the key is to recognize the difference between being responsive and being too available. I personally respond to every email/call I receive, but I won’t do it right away. Most problems don’t need to be solved that quickly, and most projects are not due today. Clients and coworkers may make us feel that way, but they ultimately will respect a consistent response within a reasonable amount of time. In other words, I try to be responsive but not readily available.

Responding right away may come off as eager. Taking a few hours (or even a business day) is still good customer service. I even take it to the next step–if I find myself responding quickly to an email I’ll often delay it being sent out (in Outlook). Especially with newer contacts. And, much more importantly, there are many benefits to delaying email/phone activities so you can batch them.

The same can be said for planning meetings or people walking into your office–one should still apply the etiquette I mentioned in the last post, but schedule with them for later. For people who are more abusive of my time I’ll schedule them before other commitments, further out in advance, and try to get paid by the hour.

Ultimately one ought to make people feel that they have time for them…but out of respect, not out of a need for business. One shouldn’t wait too long to respond to things, but they also shouldn’t be too available. It’s a tough balancing act, but a worthwhile one for both commanding respect and treating people right.

Flickr photo credit: iMollo

I was talking with one of my employees about how much I had to do and when I would be able to get him some feedback. A few minutes after our conversation I cringed–I may have leeway with when I get him the feedback, but he didn’t deserve my listing out my to do list. He has just as much to do, if not at work then in other places, and I should never let my “busy life” be more important.

I got a phone call last week and the client exclaimed, “I’m so lucky I got you on the phone…I know how busy you are.” Maybe he meant it as a compliment, but it sort of irked me. Here I am trying to feel on top of my life/schedule…and I’m making an important client feel like I don’t have time for him. No, that’s not quite what he said, but it bugged me. It’s not that I’m not busy, but I want it to be clear to people (especially friends and, well, prospects/clients) that I have time for them.

It’s all about the approach: when scheduling, working on a project, or running into someone in the street there are ways to move quickly without making other obligations seem more important. We may have good reasons for scheduling things well in advance, but people don’t need to know the details. If we do opt to share the details, we have to be careful with the tone–and this is where we can fail . Some examples:

1. I really don’t have time for this today, sorry.
2. I’m a little overwhelmed by a deadline, could we talk about this tomorrow?
3. Could we talk about this tomorrow, I want you to have my full attention when we talk?

In the first case it’s all about you; it’s like saying “I have more important things right now.” In the second case you have a legitimate problem, but you’re still interested in the other person. In the third case it’s all about the other person; regardless of your responsibilities.

We need to pay attention to how we talk about our time because it translates to how we value the other person.

The easiest way to make people feel like we’re not busy is, of course, to not be busy. We may have a busy day, but we shouldn’t be busy people. Perhaps this seems like semantics, but hear me out: we want to be productive not busy. The purpose of systems like Getting Things Done and The 4-Hour Workweek is not just to cram more into a day, but to get control of it. Once we’re in control we can give our tasks and the people in our lives our full attention.

Whether or not we’re at that stage now, we can at least be a little more cognizant of how we talk about our time. Better yet, I’ve found that when I don’t make others think I’m so busy that I feel less busy myself.